Things Jas is No Longer Allowed to Do

“I don’t give a fuck what you think” is not an acceptable code review.
“It’s Tuesday” does not explain incorrect operation of hardware.
The internal mail does not distribute: Froot Loops, drugs or firearms.
Segways are not “also” for “jump contests”.
Petroleum spirit does not “smell great”.
“Nobody will notice” is not adequate justification for a compatibility break.
Neither is it for a psychotic break.
You may not ask interns to “eat lunch for you and I”.
Do not kick the exercise balls.
“I think you should be destroyed” is not an appropriate remark to make to a candidate.
The doorway to the roof access is not to be used by Jas.
Site Reliability Engineers are not your plaything.
Your bench machine is not malfunctioning because of “rogue nanites”.
Your laptop does not have “thetans”.
You may not run BitTorrent on the corporate network, even if it is “really funny when the tracker crashes”.
Your Apple Newton is not an approved piece of hardware for connection to the corporate network.
“Learning to open locked doors” is not a suitable 20% project.
Smoking is neither big nor clever.
Jas may not start a cult among the more impressionable interns.
Thinking up a good name for the project is not as important as actually completing it.
“I’m Jas Strong, bitch!” and “Caffeine is a hell of a drug!” are not appropriate phrases to use at work.
Jas is not to construct or operate killer robots on campus.